It has been a bit over two years now that I've been married and I got asked this question a few times today: "Why haven't I changed my name?" And I answered the first and second ones with "I did. I hyphened it." And then the last time I was asked that I said "Why should I?" and the person looked at me like I had just said something illegal or something. "But you have to!" that person said and I handed over my computer and opened the internet and said "Show me where it says I have to." Let me say this, that person looked like they had just stepped in something sticky.
Why do women feel like they need to change their name after they get married? Isn't the name that they were raised with and lived with for the past X years alright? I'm not knocking it, but I think it should be more of a personal choice than something that has to be done . . . and as far as I understand the law, no where does it say that you have to change your name when you get married. I've just been getting a lot of flack lately because I chose to keep my last name and just tack on Jakob's. He's more than welcome to do the same. I also think that some women just tend to disappear when they take away their "old" name completely.
A friend of mine just got married and they decided that he was going to change his name to her last name and move his original last name to his middle name. I thought that was cool when they asked my opinion and more over, they had discussed it and came up with it together. Now, his mother threw a fit when he told her what they were going to do and said that that isn't the way things are done. Why should it be any of her business what he does with his name? Why is it anyone else's business what married couples decide to do with the name change?
Legally, I haven't changed any documents or names and when I went to the DMV to get my license renewed, I tried to have them hyphen my name but the person said "Hyphens aren't allowed". Huh? Since when are hyphens not allowed?
It's just something that I finally decided to take a look at. Tradition. That is all it is. Tradition. I'm not knocking it. If it is right for you then go right ahead just don't tell me that I "have to" because you did it.
3 comments:
I applaud your decision to keep your name, and I think more women should do the same. Especially if they like their name, or if their new name is dorky or something.
The only thing that bothers me is the hyphen. I've never been a fan of hyphens, but that's just me.
If I ever get married (not likely), I'll insist that my wife keep her last name. It's the NEW way things are done. Screw traditions that have no purpose.
Guess it's just one of those evidences of "two become one" in sharing marriage, life, and name? That's weird that the DMV wouldn't let you hyphen.
In latin america they hyphen a lot, don't they--just adding on the new last name?
I agree. I've been married for 2 yrs and I haven't changed my name.
Oh, I grew up with Jakob and his fam in WV.
My hubby is Venezuelan and whenever he gives me a blessing he ALWAYS gives my last name with his. In Latin America they take both names.
You dont have to change your name. You CAN hyphenate it. Someone at the DMV just didn't know what they were talking about...
Hope you don't mind me reading you blog....
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