Okay, so I'm usually not the one auditioning for shows and stuff, but when I was told that a local theatre was going to be doing the musical version of Zorro and they were looking for flamenco dancers, I took a chance and auditioned. And man was I wrong with doing that.
First off, I was asked to sing. I don't sing in front of people. I really don't. I sing along in the car because that is just what you do to music in the car. I sing in the shower because nobody really cares how they sound in the shower. But singing in front of people? Yeesh! One of my worst nightmares. So I was really surprised after I sang at the first audition and I made it to dance callbacks. What I'm thinking happened was they saw my dance background and forgave my voice because I didn't do all that well during the singing audition. It was the first time I sang with the piano and he played it kind of fast.
So callbacks were last night and I totally made a fool of myself. They broke us into groups because there were so many and I was placed into the second group which meant we had to wait for 45 minutes before we could go in. That just made my anxiety level rise like nothing else. I'm usually not nervous when it comes to dance auditions, but last night I was shaking and I couldn't think straight. When it came time for my group to go in, I botched it from the minute I walked in. I'm guessing my anxiety was so high that my brain wasn't working as well as it normally would. I could not for the life of me get the steps to work with my feet. They just wouldn't go. I was off beat and out of sync with what the instructor was doing. My arms wouldn't work with my feet and my feet wouldn't work with my brain. When it came time to break into even smaller groups to show what we could do, my body just froze and I couldn't get my feet to make the correct sounds (yet again). Once we were dismissed I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it so since Jakob had his callbacks right after I did, I waited until all the other girls had left and tried the sequence again. And of course I could do it, all the sounds and all the arm movements. I don't understand why my body wouldn't work with me the first time.
I guess I'm just disappointed with myself for letting my anxiety get the best of me (yet again) and for not showing what I am really capable of doing. There is no way that I am going to get into this show. I'm pretty sure that Jakob'll get in because of his swordplay ability.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Some Adult Truths
Okay, so I am totally stealing this from a friend. Enjoy. You'll probably find that a lot of these you'll nod your head at.
*** Adult Truths ***
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Too funny . . . . .
*** Adult Truths ***
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Too funny . . . . .
Saturday, September 17, 2011
It may be rivalry week, but it doesn't feel like it
Usually the BYU/utah football game isn't until November and that helps to build up the hype for both teams. You know what each season has looked like. You know where they stand. The weather is usually cold and snowy and all that winter gear is needed. But this year is completely different.
The game is today, only 2 games into the season.
We don't really know what each of the teams are capable of. We don't know where their seasons are going to end up. While the weather may be colder, it still isn't all that bad and the sun is out and shining.
Today is the first BYU/utah game that I'm missing in a long time. While I usually don't care for football, this game has always been a fun time for my family. It has been a time that my family dresses in blue and sees some of the players from years past because we work the Varsity Club tailgate before the game.
Today is different.
Jakob and I both have a show tonight so we won't be seeing the game. While Jakob has to be at the theatre early, I'm going to stay at the tailgate to help my mom until late. I didn't say anything to anyone about it, and while I should have said something, I didn't feel like I needed to. Usually the crew shows up between 6:30 and 6:45 and I am considered crew. I set everything last night. I don't have to be at fight call. All the props are where they need to be or are already made. I really don't have to do any hair or make-up before the show (I get mine done during intermission). I can get there and set the food and be done with everything. Takes me maybe 10 minutes at most.
We'll see how everything goes this evening..
Go Cougars.
The game is today, only 2 games into the season.
We don't really know what each of the teams are capable of. We don't know where their seasons are going to end up. While the weather may be colder, it still isn't all that bad and the sun is out and shining.
Today is the first BYU/utah game that I'm missing in a long time. While I usually don't care for football, this game has always been a fun time for my family. It has been a time that my family dresses in blue and sees some of the players from years past because we work the Varsity Club tailgate before the game.
Today is different.
Jakob and I both have a show tonight so we won't be seeing the game. While Jakob has to be at the theatre early, I'm going to stay at the tailgate to help my mom until late. I didn't say anything to anyone about it, and while I should have said something, I didn't feel like I needed to. Usually the crew shows up between 6:30 and 6:45 and I am considered crew. I set everything last night. I don't have to be at fight call. All the props are where they need to be or are already made. I really don't have to do any hair or make-up before the show (I get mine done during intermission). I can get there and set the food and be done with everything. Takes me maybe 10 minutes at most.
We'll see how everything goes this evening..
Go Cougars.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Weekday blues
Yes, it seems that lately all the posts are about how crappy my job is and how horrible life is and while the majority of it is true, it's not all bad. Everyone has money woes (at least I hope they do because that would make me feel a lot better) and everything else I've complained about, so I'm thinking that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling and where things are going.
It is a Monday yet again and I'm back at the school. This blogging thing is making it a bit easier to get through the work day because any of the emotions or problems that arise I can quickly write down and get them out of my head so they aren't always bogging me down.
This past week has been a bunch of ups and downs, but at least I got to see a few friends and received some nice stuff (thanks Court for the cookies and thanks Beorn for the leather bracelet and leather notebook). I never really took into consideration what my friends do for me and how I feel. I can't help but feel a little happier when I look at my friends blogs or at the pictures from stuff we've done. I feel better when I'm digging through the bins of fabric in my rooms downstairs and looking for inspiration from movies or nature for a few of my designs. My cats make things better and worse all at the same time because they want to be "involved" in what I'm doing but being cats they end up playing with the fabric or the pattern pieces because they're moving; and while that makes me laugh a bit, it also gets a bit frustrating when I'm trying to figure things out. Feathers are a completely different story.
Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I was actually able to spend some time with Jakob without other things getting in the way and what did we do? We cleaned the house because it was ignored for almost 3 weeks. Its hard to get things done when you come home at 3:30-4pmish and have to be somewhere at 5:45pm. And then your days off are spent sleeping to make sure you have enough energy to get through the rest of the things that actually need to be done. Plus, I spent some time in my garden yesterday because after looking out the window and seeing the weeds taking over 1 bed of veggies and my tomato plants falling over because of the weight of ripe tomatoes I needed to do some TLC for them. I'm not a very organized person in general, but it felt good to be able to put the 1st floor of the house organized and cleaned. We'll see how long it lasts (which I'm hoping for a while).
I'm happy that the show now moves to weekends instead of the entire week. That means that I'll hopefully be able to get some stuff done and actually be able to cook/bake this week. Since money is very very tight Jakob and I haven't eaten out for a long time and I'm sure he's getting sick of eating PB&J sandwiches hopefully I'll be able to put the veggies to good use. Plus, it is less gas that both of us need to spend.
I'm still looking for another job and it seems that the job market is getting smaller and smaller as the days roll on. I'm not sure if I have the guts to actually start my business as a full-time thing yet or not, but I'm hoping in the next couple weeks I'll be able to have my Etsy shop up and running. Here's hoping. My mom and I have some fun designs with jewelry that we've been trying and I hope they are going to sell.
It is a Monday yet again and I'm back at the school. This blogging thing is making it a bit easier to get through the work day because any of the emotions or problems that arise I can quickly write down and get them out of my head so they aren't always bogging me down.
This past week has been a bunch of ups and downs, but at least I got to see a few friends and received some nice stuff (thanks Court for the cookies and thanks Beorn for the leather bracelet and leather notebook). I never really took into consideration what my friends do for me and how I feel. I can't help but feel a little happier when I look at my friends blogs or at the pictures from stuff we've done. I feel better when I'm digging through the bins of fabric in my rooms downstairs and looking for inspiration from movies or nature for a few of my designs. My cats make things better and worse all at the same time because they want to be "involved" in what I'm doing but being cats they end up playing with the fabric or the pattern pieces because they're moving; and while that makes me laugh a bit, it also gets a bit frustrating when I'm trying to figure things out. Feathers are a completely different story.
Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I was actually able to spend some time with Jakob without other things getting in the way and what did we do? We cleaned the house because it was ignored for almost 3 weeks. Its hard to get things done when you come home at 3:30-4pmish and have to be somewhere at 5:45pm. And then your days off are spent sleeping to make sure you have enough energy to get through the rest of the things that actually need to be done. Plus, I spent some time in my garden yesterday because after looking out the window and seeing the weeds taking over 1 bed of veggies and my tomato plants falling over because of the weight of ripe tomatoes I needed to do some TLC for them. I'm not a very organized person in general, but it felt good to be able to put the 1st floor of the house organized and cleaned. We'll see how long it lasts (which I'm hoping for a while).
I'm happy that the show now moves to weekends instead of the entire week. That means that I'll hopefully be able to get some stuff done and actually be able to cook/bake this week. Since money is very very tight Jakob and I haven't eaten out for a long time and I'm sure he's getting sick of eating PB&J sandwiches hopefully I'll be able to put the veggies to good use. Plus, it is less gas that both of us need to spend.
I'm still looking for another job and it seems that the job market is getting smaller and smaller as the days roll on. I'm not sure if I have the guts to actually start my business as a full-time thing yet or not, but I'm hoping in the next couple weeks I'll be able to have my Etsy shop up and running. Here's hoping. My mom and I have some fun designs with jewelry that we've been trying and I hope they are going to sell.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Opinions
Well, September has come once again and that means that school has started back up. I'm still instructing at the elementary school--but not by choice, by necessity only. It is interesting how many jobs are available, but how employers aren't hiring. In the last 2 months alone I've applied to 40 jobs and heard back from 25 of them. They've all said about the same thing; either I'm overly qualified for the job so they'd have to pay more or I'm under qualified because I don't have "customer service experience". 1st off, if I'm applying for the job (over qualified or not), apparently I'm okay with the salary so if you think I can do the job then hire me. 2ndly, just because I don't have customer service experience in your specific field, doesn't mean I'm not willing to learn or can't pick it up. I'm still looking around and trying to change the situation, but with so many people out of a job, it isn't helping any. At least I have something, right?
Football season is starting back up and while I'm not a big fan, I go to the games when they're available to me. My mom is President of the Varsity Club again, so that means more tailgates. There is 1 drawback to this year though: I'm missing the first 2 home games because of the show. I'll probably be able to do a little of the tailgate (which makes my mom happy) but I won't be able to see the games. I'm not too disappointed, but it is a family tradition to watch the Utah game and with it being BYU's first home game, that isn't going to work this year.
The show is going . . . well, it's going. There is a part of me that wishes I'd stayed away from the show and just let Jakob do his thing because as it gets closer and closer to the time for the show to open, I'm getting sick of being around that theatre and some of the people there. It just seems that people are starting to get on each others nerves a bit and that the show isn't fun anymore. At least, that is how I'm beginning to feel and I've never felt like this about a show that I'm involved in before. Plus, it seems that some of the things that I've said have come back to bite me. I know this time period and when you are billing the costumes as "authentic", then perhaps they should be around the right time period. Many of the costumes aren't. They are from the late 1700s-1800s and we're dealing with the early 1600s. That may not seem like a big deal to some people, but to those who know clothes, it is a big deal. It is like doing a 1980s show in 1940s style clothing, it just doesn't work. I overheard one of the costume people say rather demeaningly "but what does she know about clothes. . . " and then I just walked away so I didn't hear anything else (but I did hear my name at the beginning of the conversation, so I assume they were talking about me). But then again, I was asked to do props so at least I'm trying to make sure that the props are correct. On another note, I was glancing at their mock up playbill and I noticed that my name was missing as dance choreographer and they had shortened my last name. Uhh, NO! And to top it off, I haven't felt truly happy for about 2 months. This is not something I would wish on anyone. I laugh a little bit and I tend to "fake" happiness for others because it makes them happy, but to be truly honest, I just don't smile when I'm by myself anymore. All I want to do is curl up and go away. Not normal for me.
Football season is starting back up and while I'm not a big fan, I go to the games when they're available to me. My mom is President of the Varsity Club again, so that means more tailgates. There is 1 drawback to this year though: I'm missing the first 2 home games because of the show. I'll probably be able to do a little of the tailgate (which makes my mom happy) but I won't be able to see the games. I'm not too disappointed, but it is a family tradition to watch the Utah game and with it being BYU's first home game, that isn't going to work this year.
The show is going . . . well, it's going. There is a part of me that wishes I'd stayed away from the show and just let Jakob do his thing because as it gets closer and closer to the time for the show to open, I'm getting sick of being around that theatre and some of the people there. It just seems that people are starting to get on each others nerves a bit and that the show isn't fun anymore. At least, that is how I'm beginning to feel and I've never felt like this about a show that I'm involved in before. Plus, it seems that some of the things that I've said have come back to bite me. I know this time period and when you are billing the costumes as "authentic", then perhaps they should be around the right time period. Many of the costumes aren't. They are from the late 1700s-1800s and we're dealing with the early 1600s. That may not seem like a big deal to some people, but to those who know clothes, it is a big deal. It is like doing a 1980s show in 1940s style clothing, it just doesn't work. I overheard one of the costume people say rather demeaningly "but what does she know about clothes. . . " and then I just walked away so I didn't hear anything else (but I did hear my name at the beginning of the conversation, so I assume they were talking about me). But then again, I was asked to do props so at least I'm trying to make sure that the props are correct. On another note, I was glancing at their mock up playbill and I noticed that my name was missing as dance choreographer and they had shortened my last name. Uhh, NO! And to top it off, I haven't felt truly happy for about 2 months. This is not something I would wish on anyone. I laugh a little bit and I tend to "fake" happiness for others because it makes them happy, but to be truly honest, I just don't smile when I'm by myself anymore. All I want to do is curl up and go away. Not normal for me.
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