It's complicated. . . .

Ah life. You either move with the roller-coaster that it is, or you drown in the pool trying to tread water. I think I'm on the roller-coaster right now. No, nothing dramatic has happened, but just enough to make me want to quit teaching and stay holed up at home. I really used to enjoy teaching but it's just getting worse and worse. But, according to everyone around me, I can't quit yet. I've got until the end of the school year until my tenure is approved and then the job security is a bit better. But I think I'm just getting sick of the monotony of Junior High. You can't explore anything indepth and you really can't expect much out of them. You try to have them excel and parents explode. You don't do enough, parents complain. It's a no win situation.

Jakob's show ends this week. THANK HEAVENS!! I have been single for the past 3 months. Which wasn't always a bad thing. It was more like having a roommate that I rarely saw and when I did, we didn't really talk. Wednesday is his last show and we've already discussed how he's going to give back all the costume stuff as quickly as he can that night and make them work on it. I'm not too happy with the "company" this time around. It seems they have a double standard when it comes to their actors. One of the actors is the "producer and owner" of the company. She gets to ad-lib all she wants when she has to take over for one of the others. However, when Jakob strays even slightly from the script, he gets an earful afterwards. I've recorded him during 2 shows (bored out of my mind) and at least we've got something, but I'll be happy once this run is over.

Speaking of that company, she wants me to costume a show for them in February. I have said that I'll think about it, but I'm really thinking against it. I quoted her rather high on purpose. If they don't like it, they can go somewhere else (which in my mind would be ideal). They are doing a take on Cinderella but are having the two step sisters being played by men and a ditzy fairy god mother. I'd rather not have to deal with costuming very large men (which these two are) in drag. I'd only do it if the money was right. Shallow? Perhaps.

It seems that everyone around me is talking about their "dreams" and "going for it" and "no one can stand in their way". Yes they can. It's called living expenses, unless you're going to be that person living from couch to couch, not knowing where their next meal is going to come from. Even down to the bare bones if you want to make it and be able to have stuff for the future as well--and lets face it, you're going to need all you can get right now with the state that this country is in--you can't always drop your "job" for your "dream" and make it work. Would I like to? Sure. Am I going to? No way in hell. Unless something is going to FOR CERTAIN give me my paycheck at the end of the month that covers all my expenses and allows me to save something for the future, I'd rather have a job that I hate and my "dream" as a hobby but I'm covered for what I need.

I'm not into Halloween this year. I'm really not. I sewed a little for Jakob last night but that was because if I didn't, there was no way that he could be able to get what he wants done. He's still afraid of my sewing and serger machines. Afraid may not be the right word, but it's something. Not planning on dressing up. I'll probably just wear one of my geeky tee-shirts, jeans, and converse and say that I'm a fan girl or something. Comfortable and pragmatic.

There really hasn't been much else going on. I go to work, I drive home, I stay with the cats, then drag the carcass off to bed and start again the next day. I really wish I had something fun to write about.

Changes

Life is full of changes. Everyone knows that. It still hits you hard when that change has to happen yet you need to keep up pretenses that it hasn't and just get through the day until you can be alone and actually process what happened.

Yeah, you can guess it's been happening to me lately. Especially this morning. I received a phone call from a long time "friend" telling me that we need to cut each other out of our lives.

I get it. People move on. You may grow tired of being around certain people or you may just not have room in your life for them anymore. They may be toxic or weighing you down and you need to release them in order to move forward; but it doesn't make it any easier.

I have known this person for over 10 years. They have been there in times of joy and sorrow, laughing and crying with me along the way. We've shared secrets and events, spanned the globe at points, yet all it takes is one person telling them that "I am not a person to have in their life". Yeah, that's the wording that caught me off guard.

I loved this person at one point. They will always have a place in my heart, but apparently not in my life anymore.

Change hurts and moving past it is hard. It'll take some time. I'll have to chat with Jakob and see if he can help me understand a few things. He's good like that. =)

Photoshoot in Helper Utah.

So a couple of friends of mine convinced me to do a photoshoot with them in Helper Utah. Now, this is one of those small town blink-and-you'll-miss-it kind of thing. I actually had to loop around because we missed the 1 exit to get into town. It is a town that is somewhat stuck in the 40s and 50s. At least the part that we saw. Anyway, I'm not one to get in front of the camera. I really don't think I do well in front of it, but people have been telling me to "get over it". It's hard to, but I really am trying. I do have to have some trust in the photographer, so when my friends said that this was a "meet-and-greet" with the photographers, I didn't want to do this alone; so Dart stuck my by side. Which ended up working well. We were told to dress for the time period. I didn't have anything 50s with me, but I did have a couple of lacy shirts, some wide brimmed hats, and pencil skirts. So that is what I took. And the outfit worked---for the most part. I forgot to take the belt loops off the skirt and the shirt kept riding up and no one told me it got wrinkled!

Anyway, enjoy some of the photos. If you want to see more (and be forewarned, not all of them are good), check out my Facebook.

I actually had no idea someone was taking a picture at this moment. I was just sitting in the shade by the railroad tracks waiting for Dart and Heidi, looking at the mountains when I heard a shutter click and looked down . . . photographer in my face.

Old storefront

I actually like that we're looking in two different directions.

This was actually near the end of the day and I was getting annoyed.

Kind of "Bonnie and Clyde"

"Alright, now get this thing out of my face"

Don't mess with me. I've got make-up on.

The fantastically handsome Dartanian. So happy he did this with me.

We know something you don't know. :p

Again, it seems that I can't get my face to do what I want it to.
Plus, it looks like we're plotting something here.

Okay, I'm overcritical with photos that I'm in but this one has some major issues.
Yes, it's a fun photo however: you can see the photographers assistant, a road construction sign, and
one of the reflector boards in the window of the coffee shop.

I have realized one thing. . . I really don't do that well in front of the camera.

Jakob's new show

So, Jakob's new show just started last week and it has been. . . .well, to put it politely, it has been challenging. It is a dinner theatre again, same people as his Christmas show last year, yet this time seemed more difficult than before. They decided to double cast this production; one for the north, one for the south ends of the valley. I thought it was going to be great, meaning Jakob would be home alternating days. Yeah, that didn't happen. He was single cast with the exception of a couple of shows and Mondays (he teaches a class in the mornings and then doesn't get off work until 6pm, so running the risk of being late to a show just wasn't happening). So for the past 2 months, it has been the single life for me again. He hasn't been home (which is normal during rehearsals) but it seems like our schedules just didn't work out at all.

I will be happy once the show is done. . .although he is thinking of doing their Christmas show again. I'm going to see if I can talk him out of it.

He's playing Icabod Crane. The ending doesn't make any sense this time around and no, it isn't necessarily the Sleepy Hollow story everyone knows. My family was able to see it on Saturday evening (these are pictures from the show) and I get to go again with Jakob's parents this weekend.