Okay, so I'm usually not the one auditioning for shows and stuff, but when I was told that a local theatre was going to be doing the musical version of Zorro and they were looking for flamenco dancers, I took a chance and auditioned. And man was I wrong with doing that.
First off, I was asked to sing. I don't sing in front of people. I really don't. I sing along in the car because that is just what you do to music in the car. I sing in the shower because nobody really cares how they sound in the shower. But singing in front of people? Yeesh! One of my worst nightmares. So I was really surprised after I sang at the first audition and I made it to dance callbacks. What I'm thinking happened was they saw my dance background and forgave my voice because I didn't do all that well during the singing audition. It was the first time I sang with the piano and he played it kind of fast.
So callbacks were last night and I totally made a fool of myself. They broke us into groups because there were so many and I was placed into the second group which meant we had to wait for 45 minutes before we could go in. That just made my anxiety level rise like nothing else. I'm usually not nervous when it comes to dance auditions, but last night I was shaking and I couldn't think straight. When it came time for my group to go in, I botched it from the minute I walked in. I'm guessing my anxiety was so high that my brain wasn't working as well as it normally would. I could not for the life of me get the steps to work with my feet. They just wouldn't go. I was off beat and out of sync with what the instructor was doing. My arms wouldn't work with my feet and my feet wouldn't work with my brain. When it came time to break into even smaller groups to show what we could do, my body just froze and I couldn't get my feet to make the correct sounds (yet again). Once we were dismissed I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it so since Jakob had his callbacks right after I did, I waited until all the other girls had left and tried the sequence again. And of course I could do it, all the sounds and all the arm movements. I don't understand why my body wouldn't work with me the first time.
I guess I'm just disappointed with myself for letting my anxiety get the best of me (yet again) and for not showing what I am really capable of doing. There is no way that I am going to get into this show. I'm pretty sure that Jakob'll get in because of his swordplay ability.
6 comments:
I've had similar things happen to me in different types of situations, and I know how badly it sucks. I have all these book signing things coming up and I know I'm going to forget someone's name that I'm supposed to know or mess up signing their book (that I can't just throw out and do another one because they cost too freaking much) or I'll screw up my reading and nobody will buy my book because that reading just sucked and I have no confidence.
But, what can you do? Try your hardest, and that's what you did. I hope you don't beat yourself up too much for this. Maybe this play wasn't the best thing for you to be in right now and the Fates aligned so something better can happen, who knows.
But getting over feeling like a fool...I do that like once a day, at least, and I know how much it sucks. I'm so self-conscious it's ridiculous. At least you are drop-dead gorgeous. I'll bet even though your feet weren't working that day, you still looked amazing. :)
That stinks! You'll get it next time, I bet.
I'm sorry your nerves got to you. That stinks--
'cause I know your dancing is great.
How strange that they would have you sing in the first audition! I hate when I get all flustered and feel like a deer in the headlights, although I pretty much get that way every time I attempt to get on stage. :) I make a fool of myself all the time, though in other areas of my life. But you know what? I think I notice my odd little quirks and fool making skills much more than others do. I bet you were still beautiful up there!
Dang anxiety! Sorry to hear that; you're a very good dancer! (also, you sing in front of us! At Rock Band ;) )
Thanks all. Yeah, I'm a bit hard on myself at times, but I'm usually okay after a few days.
@Court: But that is Rock Band. You're supposed to be out of key. =)
@Micaela: It was something different and I needed something like that at the moment.
@Heidi: Thanks. I'm a bit rusty in the dance area, but it's coming back slowly.
@Kiersten: It's getting better.
Michelle: Thanks a bunch. =)
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